What pisses me off

thinking about every single fucking cent.
having no time for anything but work, recovering from work and preparing for work.
the fact that my 11 year old dog is trapped in this apartment with me and whose current "job" seems to be as a barometer for my moods. If I come home unaware of his presence (therefore seething about something) he slinks away from me. He now stands in the doorframe of the adjacent room to determine whether or not he's going to greet me. This (and only dog lovers would really get this) is a VERY BAD sign.
the loss (as i've mentioned before) of the ability to do the things i actually like to do (including hiking with my dog).
i really, really, really hate this version of life. the others were slowly strangling me to death. this one is grrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiinddddddddddddddddddddddddding me down. Slowly enough to feel it, but a whole helluva lot more quick than the vines that were tightening around my neck in the Deep South. Here, my skin has been scraped off and now the nerves and muscles are showing . . .

It's that "well, if you don't like it, go back home" time. And I really don't want to go back home. And I really don't want to wander somewhere else just goes this ain't working. And I really don't want to give up on NY or Brooklyn. But I really got to change something. I'm worried that any change won't be fast enough cause I'm getting to "that point". The one that either I do something drastic with no safety net (like, within a 4 month period, deciding to and actually moving to ny), or some diaster/trama/drama happens to make things change because I didn't take things into my own hands before the bad thing happened (like, getting pregnant by BP).

The time to move on, whatever it looks like, is upon me. And I better do something quick-like.

And what about that raise? The new fiscal year is upon us, is it not?