What I Wish

It is very important to me that I have made a positive impact on bp. That all of that was not for nuthin' as they say around these parts. I allowed that boy to put me through the wringer, to put me through all kinds of agony. I don't think all of it was for naught. I sincerely believe that he shook me out of whatever the fuck it was that mired me down in Lubbock and got me here. Got me to think about and make basic steps toward doing whatever it is I'm supposed to do. Now, I, so it won't be for nuthin, I have to figure it out and do it. Anyway, I vacillitate between wanting him to be fucking miserable because we are no longer communicating (and heart breakingly, knowing that he's not) and wanting him to feel like he was blessed (like they say around the parts I come from) for knowing me, just like I feel (i can't believe I'm saying this) blessed for knowing him.


Time has passed, and so the intensity of all these feelings is lessening. But all of it is still there.

stupid assed boy.