realization #3

not even sure if it has anything to do with the whole introvert thing . . . but out of protection from big bad society, i am realizing how painfully in my own head i am. sucks ass. can't talk about much of anything except visceral responses and how things directly effect me or, on occasion, group dynamics.

anyway. what the hell have i been doing with my time?

boys are wierd, here

don't you think? they seem to be sorta scared of women in general. Or seem perfectly nice and at the last minute, pull some weird disappearing stunt. Or expect you to put out on the first date, and when you don't, get mad. Or when you do, act as though you are a whore. Not that I'm that *worried* about it, or anything. Just a bit annoyed.

why being an introvert sucks

I feel like ranting and raving about this current job of mine . . .

omigod. But I won't.  The past four months have WORN ME OUT
and I've gotten dangerously close to the burn-out point (even
though in soooo may waysthis place is just the best ever . . . I
can't believe I actually landedthere,especially for my 1st "real"
job in nyc).  There is always a very miraculous "break" when I've
just about had it, most recently, I'vebeen able to secure my own
office space in a next door building, bythrowing a mild yet "i
mean it" fit at my boss, (as opposed to being in a room with the
loudest person i've ever met and anywhere from 1 to 3 other
people. . . all very high maintenance or conversely, high energy,
interns). wait.  i said i wouldn't rant or rave.  I just did both.
the new office spaceis always there (at least thru the summer --
and there is the constantpromise that at some point in the fall, an
office space in my building will be available as some tenants' lease
will have run out), but the culture of the office that i work in requires
thati am in the original office most of the time (its very "family"
oriented and prone to impromptu discussions in which very
important info is thrown about).  The way it's arranged now, I will
(I think) have a couple of hours in the morning of quiet (which is
huge) or as needed.  In the afternoon, I will go back to the loud room
and do whatever is thrown at me.

anyway. 

the point being, or why being an introvert sucks, that i am so worried
about "basic needs"  (a quiet place to actually think and produce) that
i'm not at all able to segue this incredible resource of place that i am
currently working in to fit myown needs/becoming-more-clear-but-
still-blurry career goals. Much less actually do what my I'm supposed
 to be doing for them.

It's not that an introvert is high maintenance, necessarily . . . it's just
 that our needs are so different from others'.  And I'm finding that people
take it personally, or have a hard time dealing with the fact that what
 they want is not what everybody wants.  or something like that.

I dunno.