Please keep in mind that I don't mean any of this as an indictment of any sort. He has done everything that can be expected of him in such a situation. Within the confines/freedoms of our cross country dalliances, he has always, always, always acted in such a way that I know on a deep level that he can be trusted, that he is doing absolutely everything in his power to recognize and in a different realm, touch the other and won't run away screaming from any situation. So, the universe decides to test us. yeppers, she does.
As could have been predicted, he responds with responsibility and concern and although comes at it from a completely different perspective, evidence of thoughtfulness about the situation. He offers an ear, he offers money, he offers support. What he doesn't offer is not something that I would expect from him anyway, nor would necessarily want. And therein lies the problem.
And in lieu of needless anger and resentment (for all manner of things concerning such a situation), what I find instead is the developing spider web cotton webbing that wraps around my heart, my lungs . . . the shutting down of vital organs where this person/subject/idea is concerned. I . . . feel . . . Nothing. And this, as we all know, is not a good sign, for a whole helluva lot of reasons.
Who knows how long this episode will last. Maybe 10 minutes, until I hear the phone ring (oh, that's right, I turned it off!), Maybe for years. Maybe forever. Who cares.
I just know that if I was loved the way that I want to be loved that he would be here, with me, just because.
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