Ramblings for the hell of it

Hm. Well, here it is. It's tough being an new kid in the city when you're an introvert. There ain't no safety nets around these parts. People really don't give a rat's ass what your story is, cuz everybody's got one, and when you do listen, their's is always a whole helluva lot more interesting than your's. Or, should I say, mine. But is that really why people come here? For the stories? I suspect that is exactly the case. So what happens when the stories fade, and you are left with, well, your life. The mundane daily existence that on one level is pretty damn comforting (you know, that feeling of security that comes with responsibility to others), but like a vine around your neck once you discover the little eccentricities that the people that you spend the majority of your hours with (you know: those at work -- and BONUS: a decent SALARY with BENEFITS and PAID VACATIONS) have and that you actually have to navigate your existence around them. And don't get me started about the people in the neighborhood. A girl from the south who is taught to bend over backwards to be friendly to all, especially to not hurt the Male Ego has lots to learn about living in a largely Latino population. And, pray tell, let us not forget the older men white men in the neighborhood who have absolutely no social boundary skills. But back to the work place eccentricities: a small example. After hearing ad naseum about the activities of the 5 and 12 year old girls whose mom shares my workspace AND buying girl scout cookies (and she is like, the world's BEST MOM, btw, and i'm not being snide), the comment i get after mentioning my Southeast Asian lover (i guess one is really not supposed to mention one's lovers) was, "All Indian people stink". Come on. And the thing was, she wasn't trying to be offensive (coming from the south, I am highly aware of when people are being both blatantly and/or subtly racist). She was just stating her knowledge of The Way Things Are. Completely unabashed, unaware of self and others and just not interested (a completely different, though certainly no less virulent, form of racism or whatever ism is on your mind). Or something. This woman confounds me, as she is so adept at handling, juggling, so many things (her awful sister, her church goings on, her daughters' various and sundry really cool activities, the girl scout counsel, her "not for nuthin" idiot husband, her tax clients, oh, her job) yet who is petulant and downright mean when it comes to who she likes and who she doesn't. Isn't there a point in "professional" and "civic" life where we learn to deal with people we don't like in order to make shared space palatable? And she's an extrovert. With a capital E. So, when you go to actually Get Work Done in another room, and come back later, you have to kiss major ass so she will even acknowledge your presence because you have offended her by not being able to think around the constant NOISE and CONVERSATION that is absolutely NEVER ENDING. I have been reduced to tears at work, after work, before work, on the weekends thinking about work when thinking about this arrangement. It's not like she's a bitch or anything. I actually really like her. And it's not just HER, it's the whole damn work environment, she is just the easy target, being the loudest. It is that they are ALL extroverts with a capital E, and on the meyers briggs inventory, i am about as extreme as an introvert as one could possibly be.

Oh, toughin up, you might say. Don't think I haven't worked for assholes, pains in the asses, divas, bitches, arrogant sons of bitches or been in highly charged situations. It's that I have no where to go. And am required to actually produce. I almost would rather have an office to myself and have to deal with evil people when i leave the office than working in this super friendly and fun atmosphere with no where to go to Just Be. It really bothers them when I go to the outfitted basement to work. At a core level, it bothers all of them. And, I have to pay for it in one way or another once I emerge. Just like at a core level, it really bothers me that I have to be friendly at all times to all the extroverts (including the numerous interns that share the same space as me and loud lady and you have to go through the whole exchanging pleasantries YET AGAIN at various times throughout the day as they all have their own schedules). Reduced to Tears. If you are truly an introvert, you will understand. If not, you haven't a clue. And I couldn't even begin to try to explain.